Impressive Instant: Life In The Red Velvet Chair

JANUARY 1st 2003

Happy New Year!!!!

JANUARY 7th 2003

Ok, someone make this snow go away! Ewww!

I am just so tired! I've been working looooooooooong hours and just stressed while there. At least my boss will be out of town at the end of the week, so I can relax a bit. I just had no idea that doing ones scheduling would be such a chore! It doesn't help that so many people have to be asses about things. Why they gotta be like that?? :-P

So only like 10 more days till Jason comes. I'm kind of..... oh hell I'm really excited about that. It should be a great weekend that he's here. I nice chunk of time off for me too. *grinz*

The email I wrote to AC finally discussing the way I felt.

Chad,

Basically I just need to get this out there so I can be ok again. Yeah I'm hurt, pissed, jealous, whatever. I'm glad you've found this guy. God knows I've been there and LOVE that feeling! Those moments of feeling that make the break up and pain all worth it. However, even when I do have that feeling I don't ditch my friends.

Basically since I moved to the area I've held my friends above everyone and everything else. I get putting family above friends. I don't, but that's just me and my family. I don't get putting a guy above friends though. As I and many others have pointed out to Tommi Boyfriends come and go. Friends are the ones that are always there. When you ignore your friends during any relationship there is no guarantee they'll be there when it's over.

You went through great lengths over the summer to ensure that if I got a boyfriend I wouldn't just desert you like your other friends had. You even went so far as to think about dating me. I made it clear then as I always had in the past that I wouldn't disappear over a guy. Now however, you're pretty much deserting me, as well as other friends I'm sure, over a guy. Yeah I realize you've attempted to make plans with me during the week days. You and I both know that isn't going to pan out, period, due to work and distance restraints.

I've pretty much kept this inside for long enough and just had to get it out there. Basically what we're looking at here is if you want to be friends great. Then be one. Don't just disappear then only reappear when it's convenient for you.

*sigh* Okies

*hugs and kisses* Hope to talk to you later.

Stephen

His response:

A few things...then I'm moving on...
Do you feel better? I don't feel I've ignored you or my other friends. Yes...Brian is pretty high in my life right now...but not above. Don't blame me or him. Don't throw something being about convenience in my
face again.

*pops some unisom*

'Nigh-night!

*hug*

-Chadders

JANUARY 9th 2003

"..... but secretly you'd love to know what it's like. Wouldn't you? What it feels like ...."

Well I spared this poor journal all my bitching the past few days. Poor wittle Chaddie though. *snickers* I kind of stopped mid sentence the other day and said "What the hell?" There is no sense in bitching about anything. If I want anything fixed then I need to get off my ass and go do it! Nothing has ever been accomplished by just complaining. So I took care of a few problems and re-looked at a few others and said "Screw it, why stress?"

*** comes back to desk with big old cup O' coffee after fire drill *** It's kind of nice out. A bit on the chilly side, but still nice! I might just go out for lunch today. No one is in the office today, it's just the administrative staff. It's nice!

So I spent last night looking at different personal sites of people and chatting with a few friends. There's some really cute sites out there. It's always kind of fun reading about other people's lives. Well, more like reading about their drama. I like knowing that other people's lives are shittier compared to mine! Hahahaha

While talking with Jason he mentioned that he wanted to check out the Eagle here in DC. *takes deep breathe* I'm kind of scared of that! I don't think he realizes that the one here in DC is hardcore, unlike the stories I hear of the one in Seattle. So, we'll see. I will be dragging him to Velvet for the Glam party along with Chad, who will be dressed as Xchaddie for the evening! HA! I have a cute pair of shiny jeans that I'm going to have on. I still need to find a sparkled covered shirt or make one to go with it.

Well I'm off to do my resume. *rolls eyes* It's the government. They need it ass backwards in paragraph format. Oh well. *waves bye byes*

JANUARY 10th 2003

It's Friday!!!!!! I'm so just staying home relaxing this weekend. Maybe chill with my roomie for a bit. Haven't spent much time with him the past few weeks. We've both been too busy. Was gonna go watch Chicago tonight with Chad, but he had to cancel. LoL I kind of expected that anyways. *shrugs*

I've also been informed by Chad C, who has gone through more name changed than Prince and P. Diddy put together that he is to be referred to as Xad!. I may have to take XTina's cd away from him soon. I'm afraid of the photo shoot he may do in relation to his name change! His response to his name change yet again - "Haha, now that you mention it...I have gone through several reincarnations. Way back, it was cvdc...then cvDc, the D stands for DIVA, then when J.Lo. did her thing I went to C.Co. and then there was this whole Other Chad then promotion to Chad, then DC, and now I've moved onto Xad!"

Wanna get rowdy
Gonna get a little unruly
Get it fired up in a hurry
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time that I came to start the party
Sweat dripping over my body
Dance and getting just a little naughty
Wanna get dirrty
It's about time for my arrival

JANUARY 13th 2003

Oh dear God help us all, it's Monday the 13th! *shutters*

The weekend was good. I expected a lot worse. Ehhh *shrugs* You go into these things expecting crap or expecting nothing and any little thing amuses you. So that's good! I ended up doing Velvet Saturday night. I went with Travis at the last minute. We were at the house bored and thought what the hell?

It was different there. No one that I knew was there except The One who's name shall not be mentioned. That thing never goes away though. Things were set up a bit different at the place. The population seemed to be mostly the children. I really didn't feel the need to socialize with them, but felt comfortable around them. They seemed to be there to have fun and just party, unlike their predecessors, my era of people. I really hated the political games that so many played there.

Anyways, it was fun. Sunday went on over to Xad!'s house to help him with his puter. *blank stare* It's all set up now at least. He even cooked diner for me. I didn't know he could cook! LoL Grant it, the meal was frozen lasagna, but still! It brought tears to my eyes that he tried! He he he

*sigh* .... and here we are back at Monday. It's a short week with a long weekend coming thank God. Four days!!!!!

JANUARY 23rd 2003

Well it's calmed down enough to where I can write an entry. It's been a hectic few weeks. First of all I was getting ready for my friend Jason to come visit. So just as everyone does you clean house, do groceries, blah blah blah. Well that sure as hell didn't pan out! Tommi and his boyfriend ended up camping out at the apartment for over a week. The place turned into a total shit hole! I had never seen a place so bad before in my life. I just stayed in my room to avoid it all. I was never able to clean because they didn't leave until I went to the hotel in DC. *shrugs* I won't even go into the fact that I had to put a lock on my door because stuff was "missing", "moved", whatever. Ehhh I dealt.

Last Thursday night I got to the airport to pick Jason up. First of all his flight landed 1/2 hour early. Then as I'm already unfamiliar with Reagan National I got lost trying to find him. He was at terminal A which was way the hell away from the rest of the terminals. It was a good 15 or so minutes we chatted on the cell phones while I tried top find him! LoL Bad way to be introduced to DC!

Well after that ordeal we just went to the hotel and chilled. It was a decent hotel for once! I normally get the shit luck on hotels. This had great service and a decent room. The rest of the weekend went pretty good. Few bumps here and there. He obviously liked me quite a lot. I just knew it wouldn't work out. Seattle was way too far to carry on a relationship with. We had all that discussion out Sunday night.

I was still cracked out from the night before at Velvet. Of course Velvet was as always a blast. Chad did his 2nd date with miss Tina. He still no like her. I was just thankful that he didn't go comatose! I didn't know what to do with that short of putting on some Celine to calm him and put a big old for sale sign on his ass!

AC as expected dissed me yet again. This will be the 4th or so no show for him. I pretty much had it with all that. I sent him a little email explaining my feelings of being discarded because of his new man. His response was a general "get over it". So I don't know that I'll be there when he's done with this man. You just don't treat friends like that. All I ask is to be treated just as I treat them. I really don't get that outa him.

The other important thing from over the weekend was that I finally realized why what happened with Robert happened. It's like I finally had a finalization to that sega and can now totally move on in peace!

I think that pretty much just brings me up to today and the hassles and headaches of work. BLAH! I want a f*ucking vacation!

JANUARY 26th 2003

So I'm laying here this morning watch The Others. I had to finally watch it since I had borrowed Chad's DVD over a week ago. It's going alone with me getting rather bored. I'm like blah blah blah it's just a regular ghost story. Then the end! Jesus! It's like the 6th Sense. You didn't expect it to end like that at all.

*shakes head and turns on nice TV*

Yesterday I helped a friend Cathy move to her new apartment. I figured once in a while I need to do something butch to prove I'm a guy. Anyways all goes good, short of the regular bs U-Haul puts you through when you pick up the rental. They gave it to us on empty! What the hell? *shrugs* Oh well!

So the end of the day we return the thing. OMG This woman was a psycho bitch! We didn't have the receipt and she refused to check the truck in without it. So I take the key and go inside to talk to a normal person. She started screaming at me and then grabbed my arm. *takes deep breath*

Okies now I understand being a bit frustrated with your job. I've been there. I've even had those moment where I had gotten a bit testy with the customers. I of course was smart enough to get out of such jobs! However, I had NEVER EVER NEVER touched a customer! I mean my lord! I have never been grabbed, hit, whatever in my adult life let alone in a place of business!

Oi! Why do I hate people? Gee wiz I wonder! LoL I'll be calling Monday to their corporate office once I calm down a bit more and can take care of this better.

JANUARY 27th 2003

Ok, so I called their corporate office. They were nice and I'm ok at the moment. *still grumbles about filthy bitch touching me then runs into shower* Dirty so very very dirty. LoL

I found the picture!!!!!!!!!

Precious! My little precious. Thieves! They stole precious from us. We kill the thieves! Then precious will be ours again!

JANUARY 29th 2003

Funny how I can have a million thoughts swirling in my head. Then the second I put a piece of paper in front of me with a pen in my hand, my mind goes blank! It's as if the thoughts are up there giggling and whispering. "We're hiding!"

I ride this metro every day, and most of those days I wonder the same thing. "What are the others thinking?" Then some freak sits down next to me and the only thing that floods my mind is, "Get the fuck away!"

It's like that episode of the Simpsons where they have a mini story for a handful of the supporting characters. Everyone has their own stories going on with their own drama. When I look at the crowds of people, well a dozen or so tonight, It really helps put my life in perspective. I figure out of all these people on here, there is no way my drama, my problems are any worse or even equal to the majority of theirs!

Yay me!!! They suck! I rock!

I've always been intrigued by people. At least their minds. I like them strictly as entertainment, as something to watch and analyze. God knows that other than a select few I have no desire o actually socialize with them.

JANUARY 30th 2003

.... and here we go again! *blank stare* Well again I'm on the metro going home. I find I'm a bit more creative or at least thoughtful when riding this thing.

As always there are always those scary freaks on here. The freak du jour is this black woman in front of me. She's sitting side ways facing the window just staring into it as the wall speeds by. I know she's not seeing a thing. Her eyes are glazed over with this stupefied look on her face. She looks obviously fried on some mind numbing drug. She looked over at me and looked as though she was contemplating saying something to me. I didn't want to know, so I turned the volume up on my cd walkman and went back to writing.

"Hey Mr. DJ, put a record on. I wanna dance with my baby."

There's a lot of things in my head right now. A lot of different political and civil issues that I've always thought of, but this time they all affect me. I'm not always real sure how to deal with certain people or situations. When I know how to verbalize what's in my head more intelligently I'll write about it. Getting my thoughts and feelings from my head onto paper, video, or some type of media others can see has always been a difficult thing for me and something that I continually try to learn.

JANUARY 31st 2003

Today... hmmm ... I don't want to complain. I don't like who I am when I do. I like me when I smile and laugh at everything. Life is too short. If they can't take a joke, F*ck 'em!!!

So to put a positive spin on today, I stood my ground. I remained professional and recognized when no more could be reasonably said at this meeting with my temp agency. I used Trina's famous line to end the conversation. "There is nothing more to say. This conversation is over!" I love that line. More so, I love using it!!!

My temp agency as I've expressed in the past, sucks. What made it feel ok was that the staff, the people in charge of hiring me at the FCC told me that they stand behind me and that I have their support in dealing with the temp agency. BTW for names sake and any bad publicity I can get out there - Select Staffing is the temp agencies name.

I'm on the blue line metro on my way to Springfield to meet AC. Movie and Badlands... errr .... Apex is the agenda for the evening. I'm basically in the mood for Apex NOW!!! I have Kylie, Aretha, Madonna, and Missy Elliot remixed in my cd walkman going on at the moment.

I came into work feeling in such a trance. In a good way. I was listening to Impressive Instant on my metro ride in. God that song take me right back to Velvet.

Friday went good. Chicago rocked! OMG It was such a great way to iterperate the story! After the movie we headed up to Omega for a few drinks. Just drank, chatted, and watched the music videos. Good way to wind down after working Friday. Then Saturday I spent with Marcus. We went shopping and stuff. As always enjoyed myself.

What is this crap??? I step out of the front door of my apartment and suddenly I was immerged into this winter, cold, snowy hell. Why? What happened to spring coming? My lord! I moved out of PA to get away from the snow and winter. Yet this years DC winter feels as fridged as Pa's was.

Also just as an odd little observation - DC has declared a snow emergency. Yet business is running as usual in the district. If it was really an "emergency" as they claim then people shouldn't be able to get to work! Perhaps places like the government would be closed too. *shrugs* Dumb asses!

I get to go into the staffing company yet again today. This meeting is supposed to be about putting me into the pay scale that I so clearly deserve. After Tuesday's meeting she pretty much had to admit I was right and she was wrong. *does I told you so dance* Ha Ha Ha Stupid, F*cking, ****, B****, ******!!! *smiles* .... and that was really one of the nicer things I've ever said about her!

So finally after marketing this site anywhere and everywhere you could imagine in of course the most creative ways only someone like me could do, it's paying off, growing in fame, becoming recognized, .... ehhh you get the idea. The hits to this site each week has started doubling over the past few months. I've been seeing a surge in email, notes, ims, etc. come in from just random people that only heard from some random source and not a personal ad or chat room or someplace I'm actually in. So yeah, I'm all happy about that! ^_^ One question though - Why'd it take so long???? :-P

I've mentioned this before. It's a new year though, so I guess I'll repeat myself! From the beginning I've said that this journal is my attempt at writing down my thoughts, feelings, and emotions as a cheap form of therapy for myself as well as a type of documentation of my life. I'll need to refer to all this craziness when I write that sure to be New York Times Best Seller - "My Stories: The Life and Times of Stephen". LoL I have chosen this website as my forum of choice which obviously means it's public. It's just here as entertainment and a small glimpse into my screwed up life. I will not edit what I'm thinking and feeling just to spare someone's feelings. That would compromise my own integrity and cause this journal to no longer be an actual true journal.

The point - I'm going to be upset, hurt, pissed, annoyed, whatever at just about everyone at some point in my life. Don't take what I write personally. It's not here to hurt you. Again, this is my therapy. If you can't handle that then please do not read it!

Yesterday was kind of comical. I had to go to Select Staffing to turn in my time sheet and ask this "Tria" person what my new salary would be (it was the day I gave her as deadline to actually do her job). I walk in and have to wait about 15-20 minutes for her while she did whatever. Then she takes be to an office and starts to go over stuff that was already discussed between the FCC, her and myself in last Tuesday's meeting, except this time she tried to say exactly what the FCC said to me verbatim. Poor thing had to stop every so often to remember the script. She should have just brought a written copy to read from.

Anyways, the compliments about my job were lost to the fact that she still had no idea what I did or who I worked for at the FCC. Then she went into the reasons why she had never been in contact with me before was because I was so professional that she never needed to check on me. I frankly could care if I ever speak with her. I just want the money. She just weeks before attempted to reprimand me for ME not being in contact with her and how unprofessional that is. This is just a small sample of her not so bright mind set!

She went on for a while with it all. I was already irritated with her and running late to a lunch with Chad. I started tapping my fingers on the desk not even thinking how rude that was. She stopped to ask what that noise was. Well bluntly I said, "It's me! ... and can you speed this up? I have a very important luncheon to go to." Her face was priceless!!!! She continued with her rhetoric then finally said, "I realize you're just here to find out your new pay rate."

So she told me. I thanked her and went off to a fabu lunch with Chad. Monday I'll be starting the process of switching temp agencies. I'm gonna need one that has some people with intelligence working for them. I'll also need one that can pay me more than the temp receptionist gets!

Security heightened in DC by the "code orange" our money wasting department of Homeland Security announced cause my inability to get into the office in which I work with out being escorted! YAY! Monday will be great since no one except for actual government paid employees are allowed unescorted into these buildings! It's all going to be interesting to deal with next week. I really just feel like these color codes and this Homeland Security thing are just a big old game a really rich Texas boy is playing. Hopefully only 2 more years of this!

Anyways, I had to laugh at the whole useless day. More came later. I went to bed! That's all folks!

There's really nothing else to say at the moment. It's a peaceful calm right now.

It's freakin' freezing out here! I know that I've brought this up before, but really here! I did not move down here for the people! I moved to get away from the cold. My body has been combating the cold by adding fat. NO! I worked ..... well partied too hard to get rid of it. I do not want it back!

I went out last night with Anne to see Catch Me If You Can. It was a cute movie. It's wasn't one of my favorite Leo movies though. *shrugs* Maybe I'm just out growing him.

The metro police had a gun! A gun! I'm not ok with that. I really am not! It's bad enough they have armed security around the capital, but in the metro???? I sit on that thing for about half an hour in the morning relaxing, thinking, listening to Madonna. I don't want to see some guy standing there with a damn gun! It's my time in the morning. MINE! Not the freakin government's time to scare me!

Then THEN I come in, put my coat up, click on the puter, grab some coffee, then come back to read emails. They have an email telling me what we're doing not IF, but WHEN this air pollution strike hits dc! Why they gotta be like that? I can not handle this shit! I should only be worrying about whether I actually want to grace Velvet with my presence this weekend or just wait until next. I should only worry about what god damn cute outfit I should be wearing. I should not be worrying about fucking air strikes! Jesus here already!

I've said that our government should stay out of other countries and mind our own business ever since I started forming opinions on politics and foreign affairs. I don't care what Russia, Israel, the Middle East, Iraq, North Korea, al Qued, or anyone is doing over there. Let them fight their own battles amongst themselves. We started getting attacked because they wanted us the hell out of the middle east. They didn't want out interference, our help. We should have gotten out and left them to fight with themselves. It's not our business.

Wow! Madonna released a statement on her new single and video. It's very impressive!

I feel lucky to be an American citizen for many reasons - one of which is the right to express myself freely, especially in my work.

I understand that there have been reports about my upcoming video "American Life" in the media - much of which is inaccurate. I am not Anti-Bush. I am not pro-Iraq. I am pro Peace. I have written a song and created a video which expresses my feelings about our culture and values and the illusions of what many people believe is the American dream - the perfect life. As an artist, I hope that this provokes thought and dialogue. I don't expect everyone to agree with my point of view. I am grateful to have the freedom to express these feelings and that's how I honor my country.

The face of you.. my substitute for love, should I wait for you, my substitute for love?

Well Saturday was just non descript. I did a little shopping. I metro'd all the way down to Pentagon City, had lunch with a friend, then went about the search for that perfect Saturday purchase. I'm sorry to say there was nothing! *sigh* Oh well, there will be other things to buy and other days to buy them!

By the end of the day I had a bazillion things I needed to discuss with my best friend who is MIA. I'm so not liking him thinking he can lead a life without MY explicit written approval first! LoL

Funny how I did next to nothing yesterday, yet my Lord are there stories to get out. Stories that will NOT be published on this site! Mmhmmz! This is my Something To Remember year. *giggles* Doing the same shit if not more, but hell if I'm publishing it to the world this time!!

"...... Oooops I didn't know I couldn't talk about you! I'm not your bitch. So don't hang your shit on me!"

I am so bored! When I'm bored I think. When I think bad things happen. When bad things happen I'm not happy. When I'm not happy no one is happy!

Do I have to change my name ? Will it get me far ?
Should I lose some weight ? Am I gonna be a star ?

I tried to be a boy, I tried to be a girl
I tried to be a mess, I tried to be the best
I guess I did it wrong, That's why I wrote this song
This type of modern life - Is it for me ?
This type of modern life - Is it for free ?

I went into a bar looking for sympathy
A little company - I tried to find a friend
Its more easily said it's always been the same
This type of modern life - Is not for me ?
This type of modern life - Is not for free ?

American life
I live the American dream
You are the best thing I've seen,
You are not just a dream

I tried to stay ahead, I tried to stay on top
I tried to play the part, but somehow I forgot
Just what I did it for and why I wanted more
This type of modern life - Is it for me ?
This type of modern life - Is it for free ?

Do I have to change my name ? will it get me far ?
Should I lose some weight ? Am I gonna be a star ?

American life
I live the American dream
You are the best thing I've seen,
You are not just a dream

I tried to be a boy, I tried to be a girl
I tried to be a mess, I tried to be the best
I tried to find a friend, I tried to stay ahead
I tried to stay on top......

Fuck it...
Yeah, Fuck it

I'm drinking a Soy latte
I get a double shote
It goes right through my body
And you know I'm satisfied,

I drive my mini cooper
And I'm feeling super-dooper
Yo they tell I'm a trooper
And you know I'm satisfied
I do yoga and pilates
And the room is full of hotties
So I'm checking out the bodies
And you know I'm satisfied
I'm digging on the isotopes
This metaphysic's shit is dope
And if all this can give me hope
You know I'm satisfied
I got a lawyer and a manager
An agent and a chef
Three nannies, an assistant
And a driver and a jet
A trainer and a butler
And a bodyguard or five
A gardener and a stylist
Do you think I'm satisfied

I'd like to express my extreme point of view
I'm not Christian and I'm not a Jew
I'm just living out the American dream
And I just realized that nothing
Is what it seems
Do I have to change my name
Am I gonna be a star
Do I have to change my name
Am I gonna be a star?
Do I have to change my name

Fuck it...

Well that was Madonna's new song American life, which I'm already in love with. It is not how I currently feel though. I'm more feeling Celine Dion's - It's All Coming Back To Me Now. I just didn't really know where else to publish such fabu findings on here! I'll be back to the American Life/ Die Another Day feel though as soon as the snow clears and I'm able to concentrate on Politics again. Stupid f*ck prez saying basically that he doesn't care what the protesters say about war. His opinion is what matters. That is NOT democracy kids! That's a dictatorship in training right there! I'd say Diva in training, but thank Christ he's not gay!!!!!!

Chad: GWB is nothing more than a Hitler wanna be!
Stephen: I know! ... and he not even doing a good job at it! He's sullying the good name of Hitler!
Chad: Oh u know we're so under surveillance of the CIA or FBI or something, LoL
Stephen: LoL
Chad: Me just for this, but u for this and cuz u a pedo!
Stephen: I no a pedo!
Stephen: *ignores u and continues conversation wif 17 yo*
Chad: uh huh
Chad: u always talkin about those 14 and 15 year olds!
Stephen: *puts hands over ur mouth*
Stephen: Shhhh! They watching us!!!!
Chad: LoL
Chad: *stands up on stage* whyyyyyyyyyyyy u lookin at uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuus
Stephen: Ha Ha Ha

OMG!!!! It feels so good to be back to work! I thought I was going to loose my mind being stuck in the house!!!! He he he I have just been a giggly little boy today for various reasons.

*raps along wif Madonna ...... I'm drinking a Soy latte; I get a double shote ; It goes right through my body; And you know I'm satisfied *

Well before I get into this weekends events I need to make a few comments about this Grammy thing that's on. This show is just plain stupid! There I said it! However, god bless MTV for bringing me some sneak peaks of Madonna's American Life video during their pre-show!

Ok this weekends events - One of the purposes was to go out, have fun, and forget about any current problems that are occurring in my life. Well I must say that I accomplished that task! One might even call me an over achiever when looking at how damn well I accomplished that task!!! Oh yes, I remember everything I did through the evening. I never went that far into never never land. I was just very comfortably and happily numb through out the nights events!

Velvet was to my pleased surprise crowded! The music wasn't bad at all. In fact got my little Whity - Whatchulookinat. Also we got Justin's Cry Me A River not once kids, Oh no no! We got that twice! Oh yeah! Also we were graced with Xad!'s rendition of Celine's I Drove All Night. It was absolutely breathe taking to say the least!

Yeah basically I did what I always do there. Chat wif friends, make fun of the "commoners", and sit there like a princess should with the occasional walk through of the property to be seen! I got to meet AC's new bf. He was nice from what I saw. Kind of looks like cute little Moby. Also got to meet the other one - Chaz. Again seemed like a nice guy. It was nice to finally meet who AC dissed me for on NYE though! Because I'm trying to hold back the normal bitch that I've tried so hard to over come I will make no additional comments. *smiles real big* See! I can be nice!

The rest of the evening was peppered and spiced with such friends as Anne and the adorable wittle Phil! All in all it was fabulous! "2 thumbs up! If you were to attend any Mardi Gras parties this February in DC this was the one to do!", raves the Washington Blade's Stephie and Rodgers.

I forgot all about my big butch moment over the weekend!!!!! Sunday *I* fixed my car all by myself! I pulled the old battery out and put the new one in. Then I went and bought a bunch of stuff to put in the car since it had been sitting for so long. Maybe some other day I'll actually put it all in. LoL

So I started chatting with "Robert" again a few weeks ago. Hmmm I have mixed feeling towards it all, yet am happy to have a dialog going again. I have heavy opposition from my friends towards all this. He he he They so damn sweet! Anyways don't really know what I feel like releasing in terms of any discussions or my actual thoughts/feelings at this time. So I guess I'm just saying is all. *sticks tongue out*

Basically I have nothing to say. Probably the little gerbil up there is taking a nap. Poor little thing. *kisses it on the head and pets it*

That damn gerbil is starting to wake up from his nap. I'm trying my hardest to suppress my thoughts from happening, but unfortunately I don't think it's really working too well. The fortunate thing for me is there is a variety of thoughts going at once so my little brain can't really focus on one issue long enough to let me get upset or depressed. My body has been getting kind of queasy over some matters, like this impending move, but my brain is not letting me really worry or get depressed too much.

It is snowing AGAIN here in DC. If this is what winter is going to be every year now I'm really going to have to consider moving further south. I really feel like I'm back in Pennsylvania with all this cold white stuff all over.

I've always been a firm believer in "You get what you give.", "Everything I give you all comes back to me.", ...... you get the idea! I'm seriously beginning to wonder about that. I'm fairly nice to people. Some times I think too nice. Yeah I have a lot of smart ass thoughts that only a few close friends are privy to hearing, but who doesn't? I smile most all the time at everyone. I'm cheerful bubbly even when I want to die inside. I bend over backwards for most people to help when I can. I'm really sweet and nice to all guys. Even the hideously ugly and old ones that can't take no for an answer, I still politely and tactfully move away.

What I think I'm getting at here is that I've been following that whole "karma" rules thing and frankly I see nothing but obstacles come my way no matter what. Housing is always an issue, work is normally some sort of issue, guys are a constant issue, and who could forget family? Why are these always a constant? If I stop being nice, if I stop caring will any thing change? Sadly I'm such a slave to my beliefs that I doubt I'll ever know. I'd be too scared that if I was the bastard that I felt like being so many times that things may indeed get worse for me!

The housing issue I do believe is for the most part resolved. I have a pretty good plan in affect as well as a few contingency plans. This year will have all of that resolved. I refuse to go into 2004 dealing with any of this again!

Work hasn't been an issue actually in quite sometime. I mean my temp agency sucks, but whatever. I like my job, my boss, the people I work with, and I'm basically ok with the salary. More is ALWAYS better when it comes to cash though! ^_^

Guys are as always a constant problem. I think that is true with everyone though. I'm not sure why I continue to try with them though. It always ends bad. I've dated a few over the years. The drama! Oi! I've been "in love" twice and lord knows that it was not reciprocated either time. I kept trying though! I'm a trooper! He he he I just really try my hardest to not become one of those bitter bitter men that no longer believe in love and all that stuff. They don't look happy at all!

My family issues right now are ...... well ..... Ahhh Hell if I know! My Grandma is as always just that - Grandma. The only person I have, nor ever had any bad to say about. My mother confuses me. One minute she praises my accomplishments, the next I'm made to feel like a useless sack of shit. Over the past 5 years I've actually wondered if she really does care about me.

Ehhhh Fuck it! My smiling and such seem to make ME feel better most of the time. I'll do it for me! Yes me!

Hey boys and girls! I have not the time nor energy to type in all my current thoughts and situational updates. However, come Monday I should be throwing up a big old book outlining stuff that I have been unable to write due to time and situations. ^_^

Looks like I'll be down in Fredericksburg from Monday through at least Thursday, and there's a slight maybe on Friday. So all you peoples down there that I've not seen in forever - Now is the time to call and schedule time with me! I'm saying hurry, cause slots are filling up quick! *screams*